


Space and Sensuality

by ophelialiddell



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Gen, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ophelialiddell/pseuds/ophelialiddell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night late in the year 1815, Ms. Jane Austen encounters a rather strange gentleman and suffers the indignity of an alien abduction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space and Sensuality

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry orz
> 
> this is unedited and terrible and also may or may not be the start of a series tenatively titles "sometimes zinyak drags jane out of her containment tube and talks at her about things: the movie:

Jane had not made it a habit to wake in unfamiliar places, and found herself momentarily stunned when she opened her eyes to find a harsh, open environment before her. It was most unlike anything from England. The walls and floors were covered in what seemed to be grates formed from metal, and strange glowing windows were propped up on tables. Behind her there was a tube filled with an odd blue liquid surrounded by what appeared to be its twins holding… people? As she watched, it retreated of its own volition and disappeared behind another row of the same. Fascinating. Alarming, but fascinating. Jane tried to make sense of her situation, but her mind felt sluggish and weak. She waited for her own panic to set in; she knew it should be there, pricking at the corners of her mind, but all she felt was curiosity.

Curiosity, and a draft. She looked down. The mastermind of her relocation had apparently not planned for propriety, and she found herself as bare as the day she was born- and likely covered in some of the same fluids. Lovely. She drew herself to her feet as well as she was able. If she was to be held in a strange location in such a disingenuous state, she may as well at least have her dignity. Jane held herself as primly as possible and covered what she was able. A strange noise sounded to the left of her and she realized what she had taken to be another part of the wall was in fact a door, a door that was now opening to reveal a tall, bald and rather malformed man. A rather malformed thing with black eyes, spikes and wearing very little on his upper body excepting a red sash. She felt a scream rise in her throat, and was proud of herself for swallowing it down before it could escape. Her hands clenched, though, and she was sure she revealed her terror in the widening of her eyes and the pursing of her lips. If it did, the man(?) paid it no mind.

“Ah, good! You are awake. His Excellency will be most pleased!” he said, circling her and inspecting her carefully. “No signs of damage or atrophy from the storage. Wonderful.” He wrung his clasped hands. “His Excellency would be very cross if something had gone wrong.” Jane watched him in her periphery, resisting the urge to turn her head and follow him once he’d circled out of view. She wondered if she was required to respond. She didn’t think she could. It was taking all her effort not to alternatively shriek in horror and demand explanations now that her brain had finally caught up with her body. As it was, she simply shifted to cover her breasts a bit more and was careful to keep her face neutral.

The creature finished his inspection and pulled back, posture hunching over like a leper. “You shouldn’t keep him waiting. Follow me.”

“Him? There is another of you?” Jane regretted speaking the moment the words left her mouth; her voice wasn’t nearly as strong as she would like, and it rasped oddly. How many like him are there, she wondered, and how many people have been taken as I was? It was a chilling thought.

The creature, however, noticed none of this. He waved her forward and spoke as she moved, saying, “Yes, of course. His Most High Excellency Zinyak, Emperor of the Zin, conqueror of the galaxy, and many other accomplishments- I’m sure he will regale you with them-“ and then he paused and cringed, as if the mild trace of sarcasm in his tone was physically painful to him- “and which are quite amazing. I am merely his steward. He wished for your presence, and so I came to collect you.”

Jane summoned her courage before she spoke, this time, and the words came clearer than before. “I doubt that I can deny him my presence, but I hope he does not expect my nudity as well.” The steward glanced back at her, peered closer, and then drew away as if startled.

“Of course not! No, not at all. I believe there are clothes for you in one of these storage containers.” He kicked at one halfheartedly, and Jane took the initiative to search it on her own. Inside was a dress much like one of her own, albeit with a slightly lesser bustle and a lower neckline. It had not come with undergarments. She stepped into it nonetheless and drew it up, noting where it fit her snugly. Jane raised a hand to her bosom and then raised an eyebrow at the steward.

“Ah, yes, well, it’s a bit… moving on,” he said and cleared his throat. “If you would follow me into the lift…”

The steward motioned at the open doors next to her, and she walked into the metal box with no small amount of worry. When the doors closed and locked her in the small space with the hulking man, she could not restrain her shudder. Again, the steward did not seem to notice and she thanked the stars for small blessings. There was a lurch and a rising feeling in the pit of her stomach, but before she could decide whether it was from the shaking of the box or the questions it was instilling in her mind the doors had re-opened to reveal a dark room. The steward at her back pushed her forward, ever so slightly, until she was safely beyond the doors. “Don’t keep His Excellency waiting,” he warned, and vanished into the box behind her.

She was alone, or so it seemed.

Jane took one step into the darkness, then another. She frowned. Blasted dark- but before she could even finish the thought, the area was awash with light and a dull hum. Though the general architecture remained the same as the previous room, all dark grey and steel, existing incongruously in the center of the empty space was a single hardwood dining table that could have been plucked from any manor in Hampshire. Seated at the end was another creature, much larger this time, clutching a teacup in a single oversized hand. His face twisted into what seemed to be a smile upon seeing her, and he raised the cup in greeting.

“Jane! I am simply delighted to make your acquaintance. Truthfully I had hoped to speak with you earlier, but there was a rebellion in one of the outer sectors and, well, we couldn’t have that, now could we? Sit, sit!” He swept a hand to indicate the chair on the other end of the table. “Please, we have so much to discuss.”

Jane decided it would be wise to follow his instruction, and seated herself in the offered chair. He held out a fresh teacup with his other hand, and she took it, eyeing the presumed tea inside somewhat suspiciously. “Emperor Zinyak, I presume?” she inquired, and took a tentative sip. It was indeed tea, and surprisingly good. She took another.

The Zin Emperor smiled at her again, taking another sip of his own tea. “Ah, I see my reputation precedes me! Or Zinjai, one of the two. Indeed, I am Zinyak! And I am also one of your biggest fans. I hope you don’t mind the tea; I’ve read quite a bit on Earth cultures, and with you being British I merely assumed…”

Jane smiled faintly. “Do not worry, sir, I am a credit to my nationality. You assumed correctly.” She took another sip. It was beginning to develop into a nervous habit, but it calmed her nerves somewhat. “A fan, you say? Am I correct in thinking that you are referencing my little writing habit?”

Zinyak chuckled. “A little habit, you say? How delightful! Yes, I find your work quite scintillating. You yourself, however, are quite a mystery. Every bit worthy of becoming a loyal servant of the Zin.” Jane felt her eyebrows slowly crawling towards her hairline again, and took another sip to hide her dismay. These Zin creatures seemed friendly, but the underlying tension in every word this emperor and his steward spoke belied otherwise. Her position seemed to worsen all the time. Still, she felt this required some sort of response and wracked her brain for a suitable answer.

“I see. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to divulge the method of my relocation?” Zinyak tilted his head at her.

“I regret to inform you that you take ill next year and die before finishing your next several novels. As it would be such a waste to lose a brilliant mind such as yours, I took it upon myself to abscond with you from the planet, and placed you within a false environment until such time as we could have this chat. It seems to have worked wonderfully, did it not?” Zinyak seemed rather proud of himself, and Jane nodded in acquiescence. The man claimed to be both a time-traveler and, apparently, an extraterrestrial. Looking at him, she could believe it. The panic began to claw its way into her throat and she forced it down again. She tapped a finger against the teacup restlessly.

“I am… honored… that you would find me so worthy,” Jane said finally. “Though your manners leave something to be desired.”

“Yes,” he responded, and nodded gravely. “I have been a rather terrible host to this point. A necessary evil, I’m afraid, until we can see eye-to-eye. You understand.” Jane didn’t, but she nodded again and merely sipped her tea.

Something pricked at the back of her mind, and she found herself giving voice to it against her better judgment. “How precisely did a man of your caliber encounter anything penned by my hand?” she asked, frowning at Zinyak. He smiled again.

“My dear, in the future your works are hailed as genius by future generations. They are some of the finest romances put to paper, filled with wit and satire and that wonderful Mr. Darcy. Pity you didn’t have more time to enjoy the accolades. They teach your novels in schools, you know. I tried to implement the program in my empire, but not everyone has our refined tastes.” He sighed heavily. “Regardless, I am quite honored to make your acquaintance. ‘Tis a pity I’ll have to put you back in hibernation soon. Did you know that other people added on to your novels?” Jane realized that he had stopped monologuing just long enough to expect some sort of response from her, and she made a vaguely negative sound. “They did. Others thought they could expand your stories, but they haven’t the slightest amount of talent you have. Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies? What am I saying, of course you haven’t. The things that book does to your writing in the name of ‘comedy’… tragic.” He shuddered. Jane found herself oddly reminded of the young women who occasionally approached her, ranting and raving about the terrible things their fellows had said about her “dreamy” men. She’d never been particularly fond of any of them herself. It was the slightest bit endearing, but then she noticed the spikes protruding from Zinyak’s head and the panic returned.

“Yes, it sounds quite… tragic,” she ventured. “I don’t suppose you abducted that particular author.”

“No.”

“I see.” Jane frowned at her teacup again. She was no Scheherazade, and even if she was she doubted that was what this man wanted. What DID he want? To talk and rant, perhaps? Though he spoke at her and not with her, he seemed to enjoy it like a child who’d learned a new trick and wished to show it off. It was again endearing, but… she thought back to the spikes. And the eyes.

Perhaps not.

“Don’t fret, dearest Jane,” Zinyak said, misinterpreting her frown. “When I finally conquer Earth, I’ll vaporize him twice. I wouldn’t let such a literary travesty stand.” He finished his cup of tea and made to pour another from the china teapot in the middle of the table, but nothing came out when he tilted it. He sighed in disappointment. “And now all the tea is gone. What a gloomy meeting this was. I do apologize, I had hoped to speak of lighter things. Like your impending placement within the empire! However, that will have to wait- perhaps until I can find another set of tea bags. You couldn’t imagine how difficult those are to locate within deep space.”

Jane felt as though she was being dismissed, and as if on cue the lift doors opened behind her to reveal the steward from before. Zinyak extended his hand and she placed the teacup within it. It looked so fragile sitting there, the pale pink flowers painted on the china a tiny dot against the brown skin of it. Her own smaller, paler hand was even more overwhelmed. She drew away quickly. Zinyak gave a little half-bow, inclining his head. "I must say, this was a marvelous chat. I'm afraid I must now request your return to your containment chamber. Perhaps we can do this again? In the meantime, do your best in the simulation. I'm sure one such as yourself will make a marvelous showing." He smiled one final time, polite but with a striking malicious near the corners. Jane swallowed, hard.

"Your words are mysterious, sir. However, I have never considered myself a coward. If there is an obstacle I must overcome, than I intend to do so." Her voice did not waver, and for a moment she was proud.

"Excellent."

And with that she was led away into the unknown. But before she was placed back within the tube and into the nightmare she'd all but forgotten, she simply thought, 'until next time.'


End file.
